Andrés Carne de Res

PRI’s The World recently featured a Colombian restaurant, Andrés Carne de Res, in the Geo Quiz segment. Besides some questionable pronunciations and too much emphasis on Jaramillo’s ‘lil potatoes,’ the place is enough of a phenomenon for an eight minute radio segment. The decor, plus the ambiance, make it a kitschy bohemian temple of hedonism. Shout out to the guaro neglected by the reporter.

Food Slide Show

The Audio

 

© The World, PRI

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False Appetizing

Alphaila recently performed a photographic experiment starring food you can buy at 4 in the morning. Fast, that is.

The results are disturbing. Dario D, the blogger/scientist behind the experiment, purchased items from McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, and Jack in the Box. He juxtaposed a stock image of the item with an image of his own, purchased item, taking care to recreate the lighting and setting of the original picture.

As you can see, at least one fast-food chain failed to recreate the splendor of their advertised gloss.

Dario D made explicit his intention to display the food in the most flattering way possible, though he admitted he did not buy multiples of the same item to garner the best possible rendition of the same product.

It is my contention that this false advertising should be illegal. For one, those Jack in the Box tacos on the left actually look healthy – fresh, full of vegetables, somehow able to stand upright on their narrow spines without toppling over. What you really get is a soggy cardboard nacho failure. Two, false advertising allows companies to up their fast-food prices (why are shitty Whoppers $4?) – if you’re gonna spend 8 bucks on a fast-food meal, well then Jesus, why didn’t you just  go someplace nicer.

I understand the convenience aspect of fast food and myself am partial to Taco Bell burritos in a time/energy crunch. However, food is more sacred than the atrocity pictured above, and we shouldn’t fuddle “convenience” and “quality” together in food advertising. The illusion will only serve to keep another generation poor, starving for health, and paradoxically, overfed.

CHOCOLATE SHORTAGE

Annoyed/disgusted with the fact that you just can’t stop eating your leftover funsize Snickers from Halloween? Don’t be. Popsci reports the most disturbing news of our generation: we’re going to run out of chocolate in the next 20 years:

Chocolate consumption is increasing faster than cocoa production, according to the Cocoa Research Association, and that means prohibitively expensive chocolate is in our future.

John Mason, executive director and founder of the Ghana-based Nature Conservation Research Council, says in 20 years, chocolate will be like caviar: “It will become so rare and so expensive that the average Joe just won’t be able to afford it.”

Never in my life have I wanted to surpass the level of “average Joe,” but boy, I do now. What am I going to eat while chatting on my iphone 16? What other food constitutes a viable replacement for sex? Am I going to have to start taking real anti-depressants instead of just buying a box of Russel-Stover and calling it a night? Can’t wait to bake my grandchildren a revolting batch of carob-chip cookies.

Well, along with fuel, fresh air, clean water, and cassette tapes, add chocolate to the list of commodities that will soon be enjoyed as occasional treats.

 

adios, delicious

Food Revolution

Is there any room for fast food innovation? In the last decade fast food has been stigmatized for being cheap, weird and bad for you. Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me brought attention to the perils of a diet consisting only of McDonald’s. So is there any real room for innovation that does not consist of better ingredients, slow food?

KFC’s Double Down shows that when there is a will there is a way (in Canada).  The Star reports:

Fuelled by months of hype — including speculation that it wouldn’t even be allowed into the country — the Double Down has become KFC Canada’s best-selling new menu item ever. By Sunday — less than two weeks after the product launched — the company said it will have sold more than 350,000 across the country.

In the U.S. KFC is still trying to make a splash. In an effort to reach their target demographic, KFC took to Facebook to find young women willing to wear pants with the Double Down imprinted on their own ‘meaty buns.’

Now that the sandwich has lost its shackles to the bread, the world awaits food revolution. Michael Showalter discovered Dunkin Donuts newest innovation: Sausage Pancake Bites.

Thank you, I will have 3 orders of 3. But why stop here/there? Why not drop the pancake sausage balls into a blender with a pint of coffee, a splash of whole milk and a cigarette. I’ll take it all in a big cup with a straw to go because I am in a very big hurry! (I’ve got an important “pitch meeting” to attend.) And if, when I time myself slurping, my slurp-time exceeds 29.9 seconds, I will kindly request a full refund.

This will probably work in Canada.

Relaxation Brownies

As voters in California prepare to vote on Prop 19 this Tuesday, lovers/entrepreneurs of ganja elsewhere than the West Coast are approaching legalization a little differently. Terry Harris, of Cordova, TN, has just filed a registered trademark for the World’s First Relaxation Brownies.

Being a Tennessee resident myself, I first saw these brownies in a liquor store/head shop mash-up (we do things all at once down here). I’m not sure how far they’ve made it outside of TN, but in Nashville they cost $2.99 each and were just thrown about with other drug-related paraphernalia.

Here is how they were advertised:

You can visit bakedworld.com for more information. There are even opportunities to become a “distributor.” I wasn’t able to find an ingredient list, but expect a documented experiment to surface here soon.

How Does Caffeine Work? A Scientific Study

I’m still not sure, but here are some positives:

  • Caffeine makes pain relievers 40% more effective in relieving headaches and helps the body absorb headache medications more quickly, bringing faster relief
  • Caffeine relaxes the internal anal sphincter muscles
  • tastes great as a latte, superb accessory for when you’re running late to class and want to look worldly

Negatives:

  • toxic to  animals such as dogs, horses, and parrots
  • also mollusks, insects, and poor spiders
  • when taken in a powdered form, kills you.

You decide, America. Keep pot illegal though; that stuff is REALLY SERIOUSLY HARMFUL.