CHOCOLATE SHORTAGE

Annoyed/disgusted with the fact that you just can’t stop eating your leftover funsize Snickers from Halloween? Don’t be. Popsci reports the most disturbing news of our generation: we’re going to run out of chocolate in the next 20 years:

Chocolate consumption is increasing faster than cocoa production, according to the Cocoa Research Association, and that means prohibitively expensive chocolate is in our future.

John Mason, executive director and founder of the Ghana-based Nature Conservation Research Council, says in 20 years, chocolate will be like caviar: “It will become so rare and so expensive that the average Joe just won’t be able to afford it.”

Never in my life have I wanted to surpass the level of “average Joe,” but boy, I do now. What am I going to eat while chatting on my iphone 16? What other food constitutes a viable replacement for sex? Am I going to have to start taking real anti-depressants instead of just buying a box of Russel-Stover and calling it a night? Can’t wait to bake my grandchildren a revolting batch of carob-chip cookies.

Well, along with fuel, fresh air, clean water, and cassette tapes, add chocolate to the list of commodities that will soon be enjoyed as occasional treats.

 

adios, delicious

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